Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You're like the curious george of whores
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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