these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Everclear isn't food dammit
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
