the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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