you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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