We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
