his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
