i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
