You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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