I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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