No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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