A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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