I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
