the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
