i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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