Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Damn victory sex feels great
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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