Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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