Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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