You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
