So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
