Your face is a jimmy john
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
