Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
