What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
