What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
