I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
