when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
