i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
