apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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