i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
