you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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