textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We talked him into tasing himself.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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