I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
