Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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