Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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