shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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