under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
