my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
