you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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