He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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