Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
