we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
