Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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