Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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