were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
