Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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