Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
