i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
