your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
