Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
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Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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