I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
