hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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