Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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