I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
