I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I stole a fireplace last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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