Acid is not a monday night drug
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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