things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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