Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
