Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
did you just send me my own nude
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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