i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
