I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
