Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Welp...herpes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
