We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
