so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
