And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
