So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
