I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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