you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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