So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
