Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
