how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
