He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
