Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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