I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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