i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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