My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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