I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
