Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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