i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
