I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
