just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
