What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
