false alarm. still invincible.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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