btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
