I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
two words: eviction party
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I believe in your delicious
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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