its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
