He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So. Much. Porn.
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