I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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