im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
