I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
