Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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